dead? I think not... my white blood cells will kill you bacteria!

I think I only received roughly 2 hours of interrupted sleep last night... tossing and turning hot and then  cold. It sounds like the flu to me... My throat is aching I think I might apply vicks before i go to class. boy is everyone going to hate me, because either you LOVE the smell of vicks or you HATE it and when you hate boy do you ever hate it. 

I will start drinking loads of fluids... I will win!!!

Flinch - Alanis Morissette

lovely song... I wish I could be her.

run away

I want to run away from this place. start a new life. be on my own and live off the land. I want to grow a garden and finally be free. I want a lilac bush and  barn with horses. I want a room for my paintings and a loft above the garage for my creativity. I want to be free. I want to live. I want to be me.

These cows are my cows.

Free me from this pain that keeps me locked in reality

Free me from myself so I can fly because I know I can soar  

If I only had the chance

I’m not sane I tell you

The weight of the world seems to rest on my shoulders

Please save me because I will never have the strength to save myself

Who am i?

And where did I go

Did I get lost in the midst of my pain and confusion

Or am I just hiding underneath all of this excess weight

The world is crumbling on my shoulders and I can’t seem to hold you all up

Just listen to me

I’m yelling at the top of my lungs, just listen to what I have to say

Please?

Dry my tears because they keep poring

Tell me you love me

I’m a train wreck

So you have to fight to keep me

Fight to make me realize you won’t leave

All of these insecurities and heartache

Fight for me, but keep the fight quite and unknown

Because the more I know the more chance I will leave

I’m drowning

In my own tears.

Winter will come soon

And the ice will form

Summer has flown by

My days run together because living isn’t important

I try so hard to pretend because maybe if I pretend enough I just might believe myself

Where did I go?

Am I just around the corner

Because when I look in the mirror the person looking back just isn’t me.

I think I’m drowning

I think I’m floating

Unable to breathe

Because I’m confused

Oddly attracted to you

Oddly wanting to feel you

Oddly I think I may love you?

Is this ok

Can this be fine?

And how can I find you

I want you to hold me

I need someone anyone

I’m yelling at the top of my lungs

And all I want is to die

And start fresh

Start a new life

I want to be alone.

 

 

 

help is never on the way

And when will this day end? and when will this pain go away? who is in my bed and why am i wreck. the couch seems like a nice alternative to life. and your eyes are just the right color to blend with the sky to create the perfect shade of blue. Rain down upon my shoulders lovely because my heart aches to be back in the place I was most comfortable the place I called home for 3 years. I need your help. 

he kicked him in the penis

hahaha

Brendan James - All I Can See: Live Video

repeat that shit...

Billy Joel - She's Always a Woman -

my favorite song ever made... well its up there anyway!

I have three weaknesses when it comes to music and some would say that my taste sucks...

It's totally not my fault that i love matchbox 20, jewel and augustana. it's just not and if you have a problem just dont listen.

Reflections of a Skyline

this is the most beautiful video i have ever seen...

virginity and peace.

I will fight for peace, bleed for hope and die for love.

people say that fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

and yes in a sense that is correct but there is much more to fighting than guns and war. Fighting for peace must be done whole heartedly with passion and vigor. the fight for peace is a fight that is within yourself. and fucking results in the total absence of virginity because you can not get that back you can not no matter how hard you try ever be a virgin again.

only a thought i suppose.

Jewel - Hands (Live Acoustic)

I wish i were jewel... she's so good.

Tracy Bonham - Naked

Stuck in my head all day...

Just the run of the mill ordinary day.

I believe metal majors are the greatest in the history of art so I think I might try my luck at the music.

Today I have decided to only listen to Metal music for 24 hours starting tomorrow. well i take that back starting on tuesday at 12 am and going until Wednesday at 12 am... I'm doing this to help myself become a more well rounded person musically, and spiritually. actually only musically.

so thats the new news of the day. so if you have any ideas of some good metal bands please comment. it would be much appreciated.

i heart you all!!! 

 i google searched metal and this picture came up i had a giglgle.

I didnt eat spaghetti today!

I think I am getting sick... I knew this would happen, arg percations should have been taken. but o well. What's my plan you ask...fluids, loads of fluids. Tea, water, Water tea. ALL DAY!

I don't think I will ever be ready to have kids. but i also don't think i will ever be ready to have a relationship. It's a hard world... I know.

i have a wicked hardcore headache... i think tea will help! i will curse at it....

life equals lame

I can't figure out how to post a youtube video or i would... because i feel like that would help save my sanity.

i bought goodwill cookies today mostly for roommate and i get no appreciation... he asks "how old are they." and truth be told i was offended by his lack of knowledge pertaining to my 4 dollar cookies that get shipped in everyweek to stores across the country... hmmmph i hate roommates.

Stronger Women

Today was a boring day. but it seems as if i learn the most about myself on these days.

I'm confussed, talented and meck.

stubborn, patient, kind,

selfish and non competitive.

I miss being in love but love is something that can not be forced it just happens. and once you realize that love isnt like the movies the happier you will be.

I miss being naive. Everything was easier in high school. If only i had known this at the time. 

I don' think i will be able to love someone again until i love everything about myself which i project wont be until i'm 28.

I love Jewel. she inspires me.

all i drink is tea.

sad days

I came to the conclusion that I dislike most people around me.

Someone ran into my car yesterday

Stupid people who don't know how to drive.

I blame you all, for my unfortunate week.