two plus two equals four, therefore me plus me must equal one.

recent happenings: none to speak of.

Except that I need cash... maybe I'll sell my body to the night...

I want to swim with dolphins, and hold someone's hand in public because for some reason I always date the guy who doesn't know that that is what hands are for. and i still would fancy a black eye. it would look nice on my face. maybe I will sleep on the palm of my hand.?

I just realized that i can't sell my body to the night because I don't have a red dress.... shoot.

and by red dress i mean red light.

I think about my life and things that I need to accomplish before i die. And i think of all the mistakes I've made and how I hate myself for making them. 6 months ago I would have said that whatever doesn't kill you always makes you stronger. But now I would like add the part no one tells you about. whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger if you learn to accept your mistakes and grow from them.

and thats not my case it never has been. I tend to just pretend what i did never happened. and that it wasn't me. because I'm ashamed of who I was and who I am now. 

I'm not the type of person that's going to be happy being alone I need companionship but I don't want to settle so when does not settling become being to picky? 

I always pick someone to like and fall in love with that is emotionally unattainable... what does that say about me? and how does that effect the relationships I have?

...

I think love exists, but don't tell anyone I just said that... it can be our little secret. 

rambling...

Today I woke up, babysitting was fine we watched Barney. 

Arg... yes I am a pirate but thats beyond the point. 

I ponder my own existence at times and today is no exception.

I think I might save up and go to Ireland or Scotland or something because i hear its quite green over there.

Last night Grey's Anatomy was everything I hoped for and then some. mostly because i have a super huge crush on Denny.

My future husband...

Quote I read today and thought i would share.

You can never find the right person if you can't ever let go of the wrong, but the moment you feel like letting go you remember why you held on for so long sometimes you have to forget what you learnt and remember what you deserve.

Forks and Knives

Forks and knives fill the elevator at 3 am

And my bedroom lies untouched and unopened

I forgot to shut the door

And im sorry so very sorry 

About the plans left un-hemmed

I still dont understand why you left the door wide open 

With the horses running free

And the rain coming down

I stand with my forks and knives in my hair 

No will understand the tears running down my peaceful face

And im so sorry for a trillion things

I'm sorry your a coward 

The stars in your eyes wernt aimed to the skys 

And my dreams where never intended for your ears

And im sorry for not taking the time

To understand fully your obbsession 

With clowns and death and unusual games

And ill never understand why you wanted to stalked her

But im so sorry for following you down the road of flames 

I was left unattended 

And the swat team came to carry

The shardes that where once my body away

And im sorry for wasting our time

You'll never see

Our collection of fine china

And i wont deny all the lies

My bedroom lies untouched and unopened

And im so very sorry 

For all those odly shaped presents under the christmas tree

That never read your name

And all the wild horses are crying out in shame

One more day has died.

One more girl is alone with her sforks and knives

Unused and in a bouquet

You never understood why

And im sorry for dying in your favorite bowl with

Forks and knives entwined in my hair.

Port to the land

This is myself and my lovely roommate... The picture was taken by the fellow In the first photo.

                                               Are you the horse girl? 

If you really have to question the facts behind this question and your personal preferences then it's safe to say that you are indeed the horse girl everyone laughs about.... sorry?

don't be ashamed. 

Now and ... Later?

Grey's Anatomy was delightful in so many different ways.

I know what you will think after this next comment but I will type it anyway...

I am thinking about changing my major to...pause... gasp... something medical, I know what you're all thinking. and that's fine really.

My eyes hurt and I need my sleep because I am babysitting tomorrow.

I have not watched a child under the age of 21 since well I was 16 so wish me luck.

10.28.08

Today I woke up and drank yet another protein drink... yuck is all i can say. My life is lame lately. the most exciting thing that has happened was that i watched Grey's Anatomy and that hasn't even happened yet.

My back aches and my bum hurts.

I wish I had a Black eye because I haven't had one in a long while and i would think it would be entertaining for my face.

My new phone sucks because I have no ones number saved in its brain.

obviously i don't know todays date...